Philia - June 1999

Philia

June 1999

Offenders and Survivors Gather Again to Heal Together
By Heather Elizabeth Peterson
Philia

Following the demise of the Internet's most active set of forums for recovering offenders and abuse survivors, Healing Together has brought the participants of AReASON together once more. The new site includes a discussion board devoted to spiritual healing.

Since 1996, the Association of REcovering Abuse Survivors and Offenders Network (AReASON) had provided a unique meeting ground for offenders and survivors of all types of abuse. The site was founded by Mylo, an abuse survivor, and included extensive resource listings for offenders and survivors. The heart of the site, though, was the set of discussion boards and chat rooms where offenders and survivors could exchange thoughts.

Guga was a silent witness to AReASON's activities; his wife, BlooDaizey, is a survivor of sexual and physical abuse. "In my opinion, bringing together survivors and recovering offenders allows survivors to ask those questions they are not yet capable of asking in real life," he says. "Often it is very difficult for them to confront their own perpetrator directly in real life, but questioning other recovering offenders about their motives and thoughts, in an anonymous way, can make clear to them that what happened was not their fault nor responsibility. For recovering offenders, discussing their behavior and thoughts with survivors forces them to realise that they were wrong and have to take full responsibility. The confrontation with abuse survivors will show them the seriousness of their past behavior. But also, helping survivors will enhance their self-esteem and help them in their own recovering process."

AReASON expanded its offerings as time went by; in November 1998 Mylo added a forum called "A Spiritual Place," which he described as being for "the discussion of spiritual (and not necessarily just conventional religious) issues." In the spring of 1999, though, the site abruptly shut down.

"For security reasons AReASON was closed down very suddenly, leaving its participants shattered and upset," reports Guga. " My wife decided to start a temporary board and asked me if I could set up something more permanent, which resulted in the birth of Healing Together."

Many of the AReASON participants were already in e-mail contact with each other and could be notified by Guga and BlooDaizey of the existence of the new site. Although Healing Together does not contain as many resources as AReASON did, it does contain a multitude of discussion boards and chat rooms.

"Not all survivors are at the stage of their recovering where they can deal with survivor-recovering offender confrontation," says Guga. "Therefore, apart from a mixed Roundtable, there are separate forums for survivors where no recovering offenders are allowed, but also forums for recovering offenders that are not to be entered by survivors."

Healing Together also contains more specialized boards, such as "Male Survivors' Discussion" and "Spouses, Family and Relations of Non-Recovering Offenders." Among the discussion boards that are open to everyone – recovering offenders, survivors, and others – is one entitled "Spiritual Healing." Faith-related messages are also posted at the board entitled "Poetry/Creativity/Inspirational."

Other online forums have existed over the years for pedophiles in sexual recovery. The now-defunct mailing list, No More Victims, was active in the early nineties and attracted a high percentage of minor-attracted adults who had not offended. By contrast, the newsgroup alt.abuse.offender.recovery is more specifically aimed at recovering offenders. More recently, AWS Survivors of Abuse Network has added a discussion board for recovering offenders.

Faith-related messages, though, can sometimes be a problem in forums where survivors of religious abuse may visit. Amongst the online options available for recovering offenders, Healing Together offers the only specialized forums where messages related to spirituality are encouraged. "As a group we offer support, encouragement, information and a voice to all," says Healing Together's home page.